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Saturday, March 24, 2018

Conservative views

by Krayton Kerns

You expect voters to swallow these whoppers

If the voters keep swallowing progressice dogma, they just might be as ignorant as the left says they are.


When I joined veterinary practice in the early 1980s, we commonly dispensed a dog deworming medication called Anaplex.  The medication came in color coded gelatin capsules with their size based on the dog’s weight.  As you might expect, little dogs swallowed little pills while big dogs swallowed big pills; a fact which seems so intuitive it wouldn’t merit a mention in a political column, but it does and here is why.  The big pills were enormous; as big as a bratwurst.   When clients skeptically fingered the biggies and gave me a puzzled look, I explained dogs have a specially designed pharynx enabling them to swallow large objects without choking.  With multiple scavengers fighting and feeding on the same carcass in the wild, those who swallow their food whole live longer; bolting food is a survival mechanism.  

In spite of my amazing lecture about dog swallowing physiology, clients always asked, “You don’t expect Scooter to swallow this do you?” 

Yes I did, and this brings me to my point.  Even though the human pharynx is designed for speech rather than bolting food, big government activists expect voters to swallow whoppers ten times bigger than the largest Anaplex capsule.  A frightening majority of citizens swallow away never realizing they are ingesting both sides of the same issue, so let’s slow down, chew and taste what they are feeding us.

Public service announcements claim the biggest public health threat to America’s poverty class is both starvation and obesity.  Regardless which mythical evil the left is battling, the solution is always the same; bigger government.  If you swallow the starvation crisis, the solution is government funded school breakfast, lunch, dinner, and now weekend food backpack programs.  If you can’t quite choke that down because you are a supporter of the First Lady’s War on Obesity, the answer is still more government through food police stationed in the schools so as to enforce food pyramid rules.  I tear up when I think of the compassion the ruling class has for we helpless unwashed too irresponsible to care for ourselves.     

If the thought a person can starve while dying of obesity related diseases chokes you, then try swallowing this:  Man’s carbon emissions are simultaneously causing the earth to get warmer, colder, wetter, drier, and windier.  For example, both the drought in California and the record freezing of the Great Lakes are caused by global warming if you believe government sanctioned climatology.  In October of 2013, Climate Prediction Center scientists, the self-proclaimed experts at predicting global warming over the next 100 years, released forecasts completely missing the severity of our weather for the next 100 days.  Using their own Heidke Skill Score where 100 points equals’ perfection, while minus 50 equates to the accuracy of monkeys throwing darts, these scientists scored a whopping minus 22.  A proper visual would be a government Climate Predictor battling snowy roads in a Chevy Volt emblazoned with a bumper sticker boasting, “At Least I Beat the Monkey!”  Voters are expected to swallow the illusion all the world’s weather fluctuations would magically flatten with every day receiving the perfect amount of rain, warmth, breeze and sunshine if we would only institute the carbon tax.

Perhaps it is time for a mea culpa.  Over my eight year political career I have watched leftists portray voters as ignorant; a population too foolish to make life’s simplest decisions without the direction of the ruling class.  I have penned over 400 liberty focused op-ed columns battling the left with logic while they fire back with raw emotional stories of fat people starving on ice bergs inhabited by drowning polar bears all caused by my driving a Ford pickup powered by a V-10 and lighting my house with 100 watt incandescent light bulbs.  Perhaps I was wrong.  If the voters keep swallowing progressive dogma, they just might be as ignorant as the left says they are.          

Krayton Kerns is a Republican Representative in the Montana State Legislature. He can be reached at drkerns@rbbmt.org.

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